THE Church

It's really no secret how much I love my church. But occasionally there are moments when I feel like my heart very well may explode at any given moment. Occasionally I step back and just watch - It's a beautiful thing when you can watch the church be the church, love the church and build up the church. When pride and competition are out of the picture and all that is left is a common goal: to Love Jesus and make Him known among all nations.

Tonight we just finished up Day 2 of GROW, a conference specifically aimed to help churches under 1000 exceed 1000. Many of these churches are young church plants, but oh how these pastors and leaders are desperate for a move of God in their cities. It blows my mind that in one night I was able to talk to leaders from London, Tampa, Houston, Chicago and Idaho. I get the honor and privilege of telling them how small groups and serving on the dream team has literally CHANGED MY LIFE. Not in some fake cliché way, but authentically changed my life. My walk with the Lord is stronger than ever, I've learned how to pray bold audacious prayers, how to lead like Christ. I've learned the importance of having a mentor, accountability partner, and mentee. We were never meant to do life alone! I've learned to dream God-size dreams. My relationships from small groups literally saved my marriage. My life is noticeably different - I pray my life is noticeably different.

So the fact that I get to share even the tiniest bit with these pastors about the heartbeat and the DNA of our church is such an honor. I am literally watching global missions take place under one roof . {What other setting are you able to serve for such a short time period and touch people from so many different places!} These pastors are being trained, equipped, encouraged, and prayed over and they are going to go back to their churches and change the world. Because the local church mobilized is the hope of the world.

One of the things I love about this week every summer is watching all these churches come together. When you boil it all down, church isn't about us. It's about reaching the lost. God is distracted by the lost. He loves seeing his kids gather to worship, but his heart is breaking for those still away from home. So as a church, it's our responsibility to steward well (not hoard!) the resources the Lord has given us in order to leverage them in such a way to reach more people. It is so exciting to be able to freely give everything we have to these churches and then watch as the Lord blesses and used them to reach areas we would never be able to impact.

So tonight my heart is full. THE church is a beautiful thing. I'm praying that each church represented would experience fresh vision and passion this week. That the Lord would show them unprecedented favor and when it's all said and done millions will come to know Jesus as their personal savior.

Oceans

The beach has long been my favorite place in the world. There is a beauty and majesty that leaves me in awe. It's impossible for me to stand on the shore of an ocean and not be overwhelmed with how big our God is yet he still knows me intimately and loves me deeply.

This morning I'm up watching wave after wave crash on the shore and I am so overwhelmed by the love of God. A love that I've known for almost 20 years. But every now and then I experience it in a new way, a deeper way. 

I've realized how similar my relationship with God is to this huge ocean.  I imagine sitting in the water and with each wave that crashes over me The Lord is teaching me something new about His character, His love or His passions. Sometimes he's teaching me the same lesson but taking me a bit deeper. Because just like this great ocean, if I was instantly dropped out in the middle or immediately saw the full glory of The Lord I know that I couldn't handle it. I would be fully consumed by His goodness and holiness. So I wait and press in and eagerly anticipate the next wave the Lord sends over me. 

10 years from now

I am blessed with some truly amazing friends. People that EVERY time we are together push me closer to Christ, sharpen and challenge me. Friends that ask questions - hard questions- that leave me thinking and praying for days. Do you know anyone like this? 

On my birthday I got to spend time with a few of my very favorite people in the world. My sweet friend Amy asked me what should have been a pretty easy question. I turned 30 this year, so she asked "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" I gave some crappy, vague answer that basically the last 10, even just the past 5 years, have been so life changing, so full of thing I never could have imagined that I can't imagine what life would be like in 10 years. Way to avoid the question, right? I'm gonna say she gave me birthday grace because normally she would call me out on that vague mess! But it did get me thinking and even better got me praying. 

It's VERY easy for me to be happy doing what's in front of me right now. I am not a task oriented person AT ALL. I am very relational. So I tend to have a hard time planning things because I think more about the people than the task. Does that make since? I know that I want to help others grow in their calling, help them develop leadership skills. But it's so much easier to think about that with a specific person or group in mind than A broad checklist. But like the old quote says "fail to plan, plan to fail. " So here is my new answer to the next 10 years:

First, 10 years from now I want my marriage to be stronger and healthier than ever. I look forward to sharing what The Lord has done in our marriage and how far he has brought us.  Lane and Bethany will be 15 and 13 😳 I pray that they will both love the Lord with their whole hearts. I pray they still want to talk to Chris and I and that they trust us. I pray that they have a passion for purity. I pray they are full of kindness and compassion. I want them to know what they believe in and stand firm but be known for what they are for rather than what they are against. 

If you know me well, you know I have a huge passion for Called to Lead. I love serving in this area - helping leaders discover their purpose and helping to equip them to lead the way Christ led. I have a desire to share this with other churches. I don't know exactly how this will look or when this will happen but I know the Lord has put this on my heart. 

Finally, I believe writing will be a big part of my life. Several months ago I felt like the Lord was telling me to blog more - so I have. I've also started journaling more. I'm not sure why - I don't view myself as an especially gifted writer. I'm sure many of my former English teachers cringe with each post. But for now I will be obedient and trust that if He wants to use me and I make myself available he can do something extraordinary with my average at best words. Like my son learns in kids church - do your best and God will do the rest. 

So now I'm in the process of figuring out what I need to be doing now to prepare myself for then. 

Have you thought about what the next 10 years might look like for you? It's pretty exciting to dream and the beauty of it is that if I'm wrong and the Lord has something completely different in store, I still know that all my preparation will not be in vain. I will have grown and my family will be stronger.  But if I don't plan now and simply drift through life for the next decade then I certainly won't be ready to be used by God. 

Seasons

Next week I turn 30 which is crazy because most of the time I still think I'm 24. For some reason, I've thought and reflected about this upcoming birthday more than any other (with the possible exception of my 16th. Hello drivers license!)

30 is one of those milestone birthdays that many people (especially girls) dread. I honestly don't dread it, as my grandma says turning 30 "sure beats the alternative!" But I have always thought of 30 as adult.Like a real adult. Don't laugh. I know that I'm a married mom of two and that I should consider myself an adult at this point but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the I've-got-this-all-figured-out adult.

 

Back when I was 17 and just graduating high school, I was certain there would be a point (surely by the age of 30!) that I would be an adult and have everything figured out. You know, I would somehow have managed the discover how to maintain a spotless house, cook amazing meals every day,and keep up with all the errands.I would have a beautiful flower garden and maybe even grow some veggies or herbs.  I just knew I would have 3 or 4 perfectly behaved, Jesus lovin', funny, well-rounded and absolutely adorable children. We would craft, and sing and read and they would NEVER bicker or throw temper tantrums. I would always be wonderful,even-tempered, attentive, supporting and loving wife. I would have a deep and consistently growing relationship with the Lord. I would be active in my church. And of course I would do all of this while managing to be a size four in an adorable dress and the perfect shoes.

hahaha

So, here I am a week away from 30 and certainly don't have it all figured out. So many of my dreams have come true. Some haven't yet. I haven't figured out how to perfectly balance my wonderful husband, 2 kids, housework, exercise, errands, and time with the Lord. But I've learned to give myself grace when I fail to meet what I think I have to get done, as long as I'm focusing on my priorities.

I certainly don't have everything figured out. But I'm ok with that too. I've learned that seasons seem to change at the blink of an eye. It's so quick that it sends my head swirling in a million directions but in the middle of my chaos stands One who is steady and faithful. One who is never taken off guard or surprised. One who does have it all figured out -- I love that I don't have to have it all figured out because I know who to run to with my cares and concerns, my dreams and desires -- and there is so much peace in that.

This summer I am a part of an amazing small group. It is hands down my favorite summer small group ever. It is filled with mostly single girls - there are a couple of other married girls & one engaged. Oh, how I love Monday nights. Once you move out of that season, you forget what it's like to be so excited about a first date, the anxious feelings before you get married, or the deep longing to have your 1st baby. Our tendency is to want to rush through whatever season we are in right now instead of sitting back and savoring the moment. I love watching these girls enjoy their seasons.

I remember being single and praying to be in a relationship. Then praying for a spouse. After getting married praying for kids. My twenties have been amazing. I've gone through several different seasons but I've savored few of them.

I wonder sometimes what blessings we miss in our current season, because we are so focus on what's next.

So, I may not have it all figured out. In fact, I probably had more "figured out" at 17 than I do now but I will enjoy where I am now. I'm married to an amazing man and blessed with two crazy, Jesus lovin' babies. I am blessed indeed.

because some days stink as a parent

Today has been a day. Please, please someone tell me you have days like this. Days when 9 am feels much more like bedtime due to the number of temper tantrums, time-outs, spankings, and "conversations" that have already taken place. Days when you feel like crying because surely you have completely failed at parenting your just barely three year old.

My "go-to" habit on days like this is to blast worship music. It helps keep me calm because no one wants momma rage running around with toddler rage.

So today, I was fixing lunch. Bethany was screaming about something. Worship was playing and I started praying while fixing quesadillas. Now don't judge me because I'm sure your prayers are much more holy than mine, but my prayer went something like this..."God this sucks!Every stinking day for the past two weeks it's been fit after fit and I'm tired today.I'm over it. Seriously! What do I need to do, because obviously I'm not doing this right!?"

Wanna know what he said?? "When did I ever say discipline was easy. It's hard. It's hard for the one being disciplined AND for the one doing the discipline."

What?? First, that wasn't the answer I was wanting, but since He rarely thinks like I do, because, you know ,His thoughts are higher than my thoughts...I decided to go to the Bible

Hebrews 12:6 & 11 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son....No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

God loves my kids way more than I love them (unfathomable, but true!). And He says He "disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness." vs 10

So the the whole time he is disciplining us, he has an end goal - our holiness.

So, the first word of encouragement I got out of this is He feels my pain! He knows all too well how frustrating it is to watch a child purposefully do exactly what you asked them not to do or exactly what will cause them harm. He understands and does not grow weary. So I can constantly turn to Him as my source of strength and wisdom. Thank you Jesus!

The second word I got out of that is do I know my end-goal for my kids? Because with out a goal, how do I know I'm moving in the right direction, right? I think I know my end goals, but i'm not sure I've ever written it down. I think I shall do that soon! More on this later...

Today after Bethany threw so many fits she sat down with all her lovies and started singing "Jesus loves me" It was truly just a precious reminder to me that Jesus loves me. Even on my hard days, he is here with me walking with me. He reminded me that seeds are being planted in my kids life. Seeds take time to grow. I can't expect my 3 year old to be selfless, kind and obedient overnight. But I can continue to plant and water the seeds. Our church, friends and family will help nurture these seeds too. And then eventually they will bloom into beautiful, loving, godly kids. I just need to be faithful in the process.   

Answered Prayers

Everyday Bethany Claire cracks me up, like I literally laugh out loud at the child. She says the craziest things. Sometimes I share what she says on twitter. Sometimes you just need to see the way her eyes light up or hear the sweet tone or giggle in her voice.

Yesterday she came running up to me as proud as she could be and declared "I have my busters on!!" After asking a couple of different questions to figure out what she was talking about I asked her to show me. She pointed to her feet. She had her "slippers" on.

She calls every bug a spider. This morning, I was driving down Valleydale and one of the billboards had a ladybug. It she started yelling "SPIDER! SPIDER! We have to be VERY careful!"

She blends words. Instead of saying "little bit" or "just a minute". She says she wants to do things for a "little minute."

If a toy is lost it's a BIG mystery! Once she finds the toy, it becomes her treasure.

Somehow, Chris and I started talking about all the little things Bethany says everyday. I mentioned that I don't remember Lane saying such funny things at this age. Which is really odd because Lane is such a funny kid.

Then it hit me.

Lane didn't say things like this because when he was Bethany's age he was basically nonverbal. He could say a couple of words, but almost everything was single syllables. He called me "Ma" for the longest time. In fact when Lane was Bethany's age right now we were doing Speech therapy with the ARC and testing him trying to get him in to the Hoover school's preschool program for early intervention. That year was full of prayers over sweet Lane. It was full of frustration for me. That was such a helpless time - not knowing how to help your child.

Earlier that same year Bethany got a bad report from the pediatrician. He spotted something wrong with her eyes. We were referred to another Dr. If it was confirmed, best case she would have to have surgery and glasses, worst case she would be blind. Again the prayers of so many that covered my sweet baby.

Fast forward two years.

Bethany eyes are perfect. She never needed surgery or glasses. Lane is talking very well. Actually, he talks almost constantly.

So, what's my point? Our God is a good and faithful God. He answers prayers for us constantly. He loves my kids and is concerned for them far more than I do - I can't even comprehend a love deeper than I have for them but I KNOW He loves them more.

I don't know about you, but it is SO easy for me to get busy doing life and before I realize it I've forgotten about all the times God has come to my rescue. My prayer this week has been that I would remember all the times the Lord has been so good and faithful to me.

I read Psalm 145 today and absolutely loved every bit of it. He can never be praised enough!

So, if you're struggling or heavy burdened right now. I challenge you think about the times God has proven himself faithful in your life. If you're like me, it won't take long to think of several times God has shown up! Remembering those moments and all God's promises encourage me to boldly approach the Lord with any situation. Never forget He cares about what's on your heart and He loves you more than you know.


Ps 145 MSG:
I'll bless you every day, and keep it up from now to eternity. God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough. There are no boundaries to his greatness. Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts. Your beauty and splendor have everyone talking; I compose songs on your wonders. Your marvelous doings are headline news; I could write a book full of the details of your greatness. The fame of your goodness spreads across the country; your righteousness is on everyone's lips. God is all mercy and grace— not quick to anger, is rich in love. God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. Creation and creatures applaud you, God; your holy people bless you. They talk about the glories of your rule, they exclaim over your splendor, Letting the world know of your power for good, the lavish splendor of your kingdom. Your kingdom is a kingdom eternal; you never get voted out of office. God always does what he says, and is gracious in everything he does. God gives a hand to those down on their luck, gives a fresh start to those ready to quit. All eyes are on you, expectant; you give them their meals on time. Generous to a fault, you lavish your favor on all creatures. Everything God does is right— the trademark on all his works is love. God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it. He does what's best for those who fear him— hears them call out, and saves them. God sticks by all who love him, but it's all over for those who don't. My mouth is filled with God's praise. Let everything living bless him, bless his holy name from now to eternity!

Scripture Memory

For years I have absolutely LOVED Beth Moore! She is inspiring and challenging. When she teaches difficult concepts they instantly become elementary (a testament of what a great teacher she really is!) Any way, she has always been someone I've looked up to but I just recently discovered she has a blog for her ministry. How in the world have I missed this gem! She and her team challenge and encourage me with EVERY post. And bonus, I LOVE that she constantly reinforces the need to be involved in a local church.

Back to my point, I noticed Beth (from here on out we are going to pretend like Beth and I are best friends. We do after all go way back, whether or not she realizes it.) So, Beth apparently does this Siesta Scripture Memory Challenge every year - You pick a verse every two weeks and commit to memorizing it. She has a blog post on the 1st and 14th of each month where you can share your verse and translation you are using.

Now when I think of memory verses, obviously VBS is one of the first things that comes to mind. But probably one of the most meaningful and first memories I have where I really learned scriptures was at Crosspoint (a summer camp) probably 1995 or '96. Our group leader promised to dye his hair a crazy color if  so many of us learned every memory verse that week - and we did. To this day, I still remember the jist of those verses. Maybe not word for word but definitely the heart of the verses all because I was motivated to have some college kid dye his hair purple.

I've had other seasons since when I really focus on scripture memory, but honestly, it has been too long since the last time I put forth real effort. So, I'm joining in on Beth's scripture memory team. I would love for some of you (who reads this thing anyway?) to join me! If you want to be official go here http://blog.lproof.org/2013/01/2013-siesta-scripture-memory-team-verse-1.html and join. It's ok that your joining late. Don't feel like you have to catch up. I don't want this to become some legalistic thing to add to my "good christian checklist" Bleh! None of that.

Jesus used the Word when he was faced with temptation. The Bible clearly says that His word will not return void. So imagine what it would look like if we stood together and learned 26 verses. How would our prayer life be different? How would our bad days be different? How would our thoughts and emotions change? What would our marriages look like? It fires me up just thinking about it! So if you've read ALL this, I totally give you permission to ask me how I'm doing in this area, as long as you promise to show me grace - deal? I want His word buried deep.

So, here are my first two verses - Yes I did feel the need to catch up BUT I chose two verses that I mostly knew but tend to flip the words around and I never remember where they are located! I am also the type person that will write something I've already done onto my to-do list just so I can have the satisfaction of marking it off!

ok, verse #1

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things  Phil 4:8 NIV

verse #2
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

If you decide this is something you are interested in doing, would you let me know? I would love to walk this out with some other people I actually know!

Do you know who you are?

I noticed this blog in the drafts. Most of what is below was written way back in August 2011...better late than never, right?


Labels are everywhere. People are constantly labeled, whether good or bad. Sometime the label is true, sometimes it are completely false. Regardless of who you are we all carry many different labels.

Mom. Wife. daughter. short. tall. skinny. fat. intelligent. funny. lazy.

Most people find it easier to accept the negative labels over the positive - I know I do. For me, one of the hardest label to accept is leader. I have been in leadership positions most of my life. Whether it has been a swim coach for the younger kids, officer in clubs in school, or various leadership positions in church.

About a year ago, I was in a meeting at church and we were asked to repeat this phrase: "I am a leader who develops leaders as we build the body of Christ." That was the hardest sentence to repeat. Who am I to lead other leaders! My mind filled with thoughts like, "I'm not spiritually mature enough . I'm not old enough. Do I even know what I am doing?? How in the world do I lead leaders?"

Lately the Lord has really been showing me the error in my thinking. The focus should not be on me at all.On my own, I am a complete mess -  It's Christ in me that allows me to lead such an amazing group in my church.

When I tell God that daily I mess up, I can't lead He says because of Christ's sacrifice I am the righteousness of God.

When I remind God I feel the need to hyperventilate at the thought of talking to a group of people (adults are scary!), He reminds me that he has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and love.

So, do you know who you are? Have you let past mistakes, fears, or the world define you or have you accepted who the Creator says you are? Not sure?? Here is what God says about YOU:

You are a daughter(or son) of the Most High God.


You are God's workmanship, fearfully and wonderfully made.


You are a co-heir of Christ qualified to share in His inheritance


You are loved with an everlasting love.


You have the mind of Christ.


You are holy and without blame before Him


You are accepted and free from condemnation


You are called, chosen and faithful


You are more than a conqueror


You are the light of the world, the salt of the earth, the beloved of God


You are overtaken with blessing and complete in Him


You are strong in the Lord, dead to sin, and set free by truth


You are forgiven of all your sins and washed in Christ’s blood


You are being changed into His image


You are an ambassador for Christ

1/2 truths and warm fuzzies

Well, according to this little blog absolutely nothing has happened in our family since August 2011! Yikes! So, here I go attempting the blog again. I really want to blog. I LOVE looking back at videos of the kids and remembering how little they were! But more importantly I feel like the Lord keeps bringing the blog back up. I've reminded him that I am TERRIBLE at keeping up with it (anyone else try to reason with God because clearly He hasn't thought an idea all the way out?)

I've been thinking about why it is so hard to keep blogging consistently (other than my need to edit and edit each post). I think it boils down to 1/2 truths. In the past I have NEVER blogged about tantrums or any of those parenting moments that leave me in a sweaty mess wondering why in the world the Lord thought I was capable of stewarding these precious children! I tend to only capture their precious, angelic moments. So we go through these rougher seasons and I get out of the habit of blogging.

Now I can already hear people saying " Why in the world would you want to blog about your kids temper tantrums!" Well, I don't want to! Just like I don't want my kids to actually misbehave in the first place...But I would love to remember what we did with Lane when He was going through some of the stages Bethany is currently going through. I don't know who, if anyone, reads what I write but I know it encourages me sometimes to know that other families aren't picture perfect either. Someone told me (or more likely I read it on pinterest) recently that the reason we are often so discouraged in our own situations is because we are comparing our behind the scenes to other peoples highlight reels. It's SO true! Every family has quirks, issues, strengths and weaknesses. If I'm going to blog, then I need to be authentic otherwise why waste my time with only warm fuzzies. 

So, I'm going to keep blogging about the kids, but I'm going to blog about other things too. It might be about something the Lord is teaching me or my new favorite pinterest recipe. Hopefully, it will be fairly consistent too.